nanners79

i have pretty much just signed a 2 year+ conntract to live at home. that puts me in this house when i am just about 29 years old. if this doesn't make someone slit wristy i don't know what does...that sounds to me, (right now in my histerical insomniac state) like a death sentence. i will be experiencing my mid life, in my parents home, living as thought i were a child. i can't even imagine...nothing will become of my stupid life....my seven years in college, so i can continue, forever to look and sound like the biggest loser ever. yeah, i am 29, it took me seven years to finish college, i am a drunk, i am broke, and i live with my parents. i can't decide wether posting this will be cathartic (i don't know if that is a word) or pathetic. either way, i can't sleep, i have no one to talk to, and i have been crying so much my head is killing me. it's gonna make me fucking gorgeous for tomorrow. alright, bring on the sympathy comments.

god damn. i am so upset.

i had an invigorating dream. it involved hanging out at the jewel. going to a party on keim. getting flowers, and spanish grandparents. there was dijonaise too.

it was great. happy thursday. 5 a 7 tonight?

when i quit the space, i seemed to have quit the blog too...i am bored of the internet. that is a lie, youknow it.

well, there is really nothing funny or interesting to talk about, so i will just write about important upcomming dates.

friday 2/18 vanessa's bday
sat 2/19 chicago? i think, to celebrate the above.
sunday 2/20 intense boozing on behalf of the presidents, and no school monday

saturday 2/26 canopy

saturday 3/5 corey's grad party

anything i am forgetting? there is of course

3/24-4/3 SPRING BREAK!

and my birthday and a double door show. anyways, i am going to watch tv. the idol is on tonight, go sarah!

fun day at work today. did crafts, had treats. hmm...what to do with all the failing kids...

i haven't blogged in a thousand years. i am still blah. work is draining. i can't seem to make anyone happy, not even my grade book who attacked me (paper cut style) but not like regular sheet of paper, but the cardstock cover cut me to the point where i should have had stitches and i was pissing blood for hours, well minutes, till i found a bandaid. i haven't smoked all week. i am dying for one now. but i also have been having the worst athsma ever and can barely breath. my parents have gone out of town. wich means no going out this weekend unless karla feels like it because we can't leave bijou home alone. boo. what else. i haven't seen the boy type person in like 2 weeks. maybe that is why i have been so ho-hum. i get the feeling that it's over now. this is where all of you breath the sigh of releif. but it saddens me a bit. as much as i know that the situation was hopeless/probably unhealthy/scandalous/ridiculous, it did have tender moments. anyways. first semester done. second semester in full swing. how many more? i work 40 more years...80 more semesters, 1 down is not that satisfying anymore. no 5 a 7 tonight, bummed me out. but the oc was good. i am tired. and tomorrow is jeans and hoodie day. the best day of the week. next tuesday should be fun. the greatest part of this week was the twinkle about my classes as the lightbulbs went off "MARDI GRAS, M-A-R-D-I G-R-A-S....wait a minute miss smith, that's FRENCH!" we are going to have a party on tuesday. cute. that's all for now, s

i know, my life is not pathetic. it's full and rich and wonderful and awesome. but i am in such a funk. i hate feeling this way. hate. i went to the bar tonight and didn't even have the desire to drink i was so bummed out, and everyone at the bar was anooying, save for a few lovelies, the birthday girl, the sister, ang...okay, so mainly it was kit who was making me ccrazy. i should just stay away from him. anyways,. now i am home, and seriusly contemplating trevia tomorrow. who could even know how to pronounce that correctly. oh well. i should sleep. gots to work in the am. and i will write the whole saga of the week of shite.

i know i haven't blogged all week. and i am not going to now. i am writing this week off. as soon as it is done, it will be as though it never happened. i am going now to 8th grade registration. which is part of the sucking vat of shite that is this week. more later...i am livid/depressed/psychotic this week. anyone up for getting fucktarded wasted in 48 hours? ok, let's do it.

i made snow angles today. what is going on tonight? i am showering now. call me. i have funny stories from last night.

new stress. put a live blog feed on the ol' friendster. but it only shows my blog titles on my profile. now, i have to come up with some crative shit every time i blog. pressure. going to the bar tonight, duh...gonna see gio rizzo's band at frankie's? that should be interesting. i am bringing a flask in my purse. the downtown is a bit rich for my blood. woot, gotta go caress before i dress.

hey. today is a teacher work day. no kids equals sooo much work done. i get to wear jeans. and, i get out of there at 1. woot. my boss is taking all of us to lunch at Tango in the ville today. I am psyched for argentinian tapas. i have never had any kind of tapas, and I call myself a spanish teacher (don't tell anyone). anyways. i am still trying to avoid having to go to work at the college tomorrow. there is no way I want to leave my house at like 7, to drive there in 10 inches of snow, to sit and surf the internet. that would just be hella lame. more on this later. key word "moron". it's friday, we gonna party tonight.

it's birthday season! let me know if yours is soon. the twins this weekend, then eric sometime this week (24th? i am a bad friend) tray (28th?), then feb and march madness begins. alright. peace.

so. this weekend was nice in that it was long, but all the while it was very dramatic. my dog is on his last days. he has been having doggy athsma attacks, and he hurt his paw when i was helping him out of my bed. so now he has pain when he stands in his right paw, and he doesn't put pressure on his left because of his heart. so anyways, that is really sad.

my grandma fell in florida this weekend. this is the third time she has broken her hip. everytime it is more horrible. the worst thing i could ever imagine. that is like horrendously sad. she was going to have surgery, but couldn't yesterday because there was fluid in her lungs. my parents are probably going to have to fly to florida and drive my grandparents car back to canada. double sad.

then, back to school today. i had no energy, the kids walked all over me, cuz i was too sad to teach vocab. ug, it was a bad day.

but then i came home, got alot of papers graded, felt good about that. then american idol came on, and my friend sarah made it to the next round, which was pretty fricken amazing. simon liked her cuz her parents were brittish, and she made mark mc grath stuter cuz she was so hot. it was hilarious. anyways, the rest of the show totally blew, and i can't beleive i am going to watch the whole thing (or as far as she makes it). karla was most proud of her, they used to be bff. and karla can only remember how much she used to tell ehr to stop singing damn jingles...i know, sounds like i am tlaking about jessica simpson or some shit, so i will stop now. alright, talk to you soon blog, let's hope the rest of this week gets better...even tho i know it's fixin to get worse.

praise jesus

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Today was really tiring.
I got out of bed really early because my mom was yelling at me.

I feel good because today I getting my lip pierced! Finally! Mom said I could and she's signed the forms and EVERYTHING!

I'm so sad. My kitten got run over this afternoon. I found him when I was coming home from school. His head was all squished. I took some photos. I'll miss him. Poor kitty.

Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken.

I want to tell the world that my girlfriend Amy is the bomb! She made pizza last night, and even though I burnt my lips on the cheese, it was awesome!!!

I am making this journal friends only because I don't want the world to read what I'm writing, even though I'm posting it on the internet.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's ten thousand photographs of my cat.

I want to say thanks to karla for being the best sister in the world. not

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder.

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.

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seriously. what the fuck am i allergic too? it's fuckin january, there are no allergens. i am sneezy mc fuckin gee tho for like the last 4 days. wtf. or am i like really sick? what happens when you get a cold? is it different than allerigies? i feel like fucking ass. i am taking drowsy pills now, and i better god damn feel better by assembly time friday. go pep.

tomorrow is hump day, then the week is almost done. next week is double short. no work monday cuz it is the best day of the year (mlk jr day) ask me why it is the best day of the year.

also, no kids on friday, teacher work day. i get sossoo much done on those days it is amazing. anuywaysasdowjf;dv

tpp ill too type, and or be motivated to correct tyupos. mlk is on the way wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!

i think i may be officially ill. i should go eat some oranges. naranjas. anyways. so, the dream i had this sunday (i will call them the detox dreams), was weird too. reza asked me to be his girlfriend, in a cheesy gilmore girls-esque scene. i was all like, um, ok. he was so glad he could give me my christmas present, season 10 of friends on dvd.
he is not aloud in my dreams, especially if he is going to be a corny ass mofo. anyways. school is hectic. tons to do, and it seems i may have lost some quizzes and crap, which blows.
i don't feel good.
i went to speak to jeremy at the y today after school. everything i guess is straightened up. i gave him my "six-more-weeks-then-i-want-to-not-be-off-the-payroll-cuz-i-still-want-free-membership-but-i-don't-want-to-work-anymore" notice. he pretty much has screwed me for the last time. the ymca part of my life is coming to a close. i am too old for that shit.
what else. i have a dept meeting tomorrow after school, which is supposed to be a long one. we are talking about fl week, and what to buy the secretaries for this day and that. then thursday is the fac meeting where they are going to solicit us about chaperoning the ol' turnabout dance. anyone wanna be my date? see some duuurrrty teen dancing?

also, turns out i may get to go to france on the exchange this summer after all. the main teacher may be having surgery, and they may need me to go. it is all really really up in the air right now, so i don't know. the majority of the reason why it is up in the air, is because it appears that they want me to pay for to go? yeah, i will not be paying to go to france and babysit. they can pay for me to go, and pay me to be the chaperone, otherwise i can just go to france on my own ticket, stay with my bff (best french friend, meg) and get drunk and have a good time....vamos a ver.

anyways. this was too long, no one is reading anymore. talk to you all soon,

funny thing today in class. this kid throws a pencil across the room, and i am all like, HEY! DO NOT THROW PENCILS IN MY CLASS! and then i tell the kids, it's all fun and games untill some loses a wrinkle.


and then some kid goes, "then it's hilarious"

and then i told some kids they were punk brats.

there was another episode this week i should blog about, just cuz it is too damn funny/job loss potential-y.

i came up with this thing, with the help of the kids. to conjugate verbs in french, you take off the ending of the infintive (if the verb is parler, to talk, you take of the ER). this leaves you with the STEM of the verb. then, we said, you water the stems with the appropriate endings, and you get erb flowers....dorky, but it helped them to get it.

anyways, they made me draw a picture of myself on the board, as the lady who waters the stems with the verb endings. so i drew this stack figure, with a big ol' hoop skirt and a bonnet and she had a watering can, and a parasol and little wooden clogs on. they said that i needed to make a series of videos dressed like that to teach kids verb, but they told me that i needed to draw on a shirt....

this is when i replied, "no i would have to be topless in order for anyone to watch it"

who says that to a class full of teens? then i reminded them, that what happens in french class stays in french class....it's like vegas in there. man.

and, in double celebration slash bitterness because i saw 12 people wearing jeans today, i am not even going to wear green and gold on top. what you gonna do about it bitches? so many funny and so many horrible things this week. the homeroom staged a coup, and other wonderful delights.

anyways, you know what they say, the sooner you go to bed, the sooner it will be jeans day. WWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

so last night's detox went suprisingly well. only mild night sweats, only one athsma attack, and there was actual REM. I know this because I had wretched wretched horrible dreams. Scary, awful, traped, sweaty dreams. i only remember sparce details, and strange how the dreams seemed to have alcohol be the root of all the bad things that were happening. weird, scary, but still i prefer scary booze dreams to the insomnia detox. anyways, the main plot was a new years eve party. it was like a vip thing in a club just down the street from my house. tons of folks were there. those i was with were adam, joe and vanessa. i forgot something at home or something at some point and had to run home. as i was running out of the club, i saw vanessa fall off the stairs (they curved, and there was no railing, and so she didn't notice the curve and she face planted from about 3 feet up, it totally freaked me out alot, but i had to get home quick) i went home, and did what i had to do, and for some strange ass reason, on my way back to the club, i like hoped a fence and broke onto my neighbours balcony, and i broke some tea cups that were up there, and i was trying to get away, and climb back down, but i was so wasted i kept like making noise and fucking more shit up and i was stuck and it was dificult and horrible. then like kids were coming by and vandalizing more stuff, since they saw i was doing it. the the owners came out and were calling the cops, so i took off running back to the club. but i took a detour so as to avoid the cops. well i turned the corner, and the next street over had huge illuminated nightmare before christmas decorations hanging over the street, and it totally freaked me out. anyways, i get back to the club, everyone is super pissed at me cuz i was gone for so long, the party sucked and they wanted to go elsewhere. we got over it, as we were leaving, i passed kim and some other girl shooting up in front of the tv (the worst part of the dream, totally graffic and horrible), we were jetting out of the club and vanessa fell again, and that was awful...and that is about all i remember. ir was intense tho, and uncomfortable.

wow. ew. don't want to have dreams like that again for a while.

school was good, intense and long, but it was nice to see the kids, they missed me wether they said so or not. i even got a few hugs. i am exhausted now, next year i have to do something other than binge drink over break. maybe volunteer somewhere? i haven't volunteered in years, i bet it would be good for my heart. the school is doing a huge fund raising for the tsunami victims. i wish they weren't donating to the american red cross, but i guess they are better than no donation at all.

this is long. i will let you go. happy back to reality one and all. i am up for dream interpretations....